Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Confession's from the heart.....
It has been 9 months now since I first decided to start my diet with www.affordablehcgdiet.com. I lost 102 pounds and 22 inches in my waist in 5 1/2 months, although I do feel better about myself and I am happier and healthy... I still am having issues adjusting to this drastic change. I am very insecure about myself and very jealous of others that in my mind are prettier or skinnier then me, I never realized how hard it would be to adjust to such a huge change and the new me. But it is very hard, sometimes when I look in the mirror I don't see what everyone else see's I still see the overweight, unhappy person I was. I am trying so hard to heal my mind and get use to the change but it is harder then I thought it would be and this is affecting my everyday life. People tell me all the time how amazing I look and so many people look up to me for doing so well and although I am thankful for that I just can't seem to adjust. My heart is happy but my mind is off in another time. I am now 6 pounds away from my goal weight...I want to get there and hopefully that will help me to feel better about myself. I really don't understand why I am going through this but I just want to be normal, I just want to be happy, and I just want to see what everyone else see's! I have been holding this in and hiding it and just trying to keep a smile on my face but I can't anymore...I just can't do it! I was strong for so long but now I feel weak and I feel as though I am letting everyone down. I am not writing any of this for any of you to pity me or feel sorry for me, my whole goal here is to get this out in the open and vent to you all so maybe just maybe it will help my mind heal a little. You all have supported me and each other for so long and I see you all as my friends so maybe u can help me through this. I have to heal, I have to start seeing the new me in the mirror...this is not only affecting me but its affecting those I love deeply and people I don't even know and I just want it to go away I just want help I just want to accept myself for who I am now! I know I am an inspiration to so many out there and I feel like me feeling this way is letting you all down. I don't want that! I want to continue to inspire others and help others. I just want to be normal!
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Such a dramatic change is such a short time would be hard to deal with, especially when you are changing what is outside. Remember, nothing can change what is on the inside. It doesn't matter what you weigh. That isn't who you are. What you are on the inside is what counts. A good, decent person, who wants nothing but the best for her family and friends, someone who is there for us no matter what. Sure you may look different, but I am sure that you are the same Heather you always were, just in a new sleeker package. I have that fear too, my family says they can see a difference in the way I look. I can't. Don't let it get you down. You are more normal now than you think. This is my motto; skinny doesn't make you pretty or happy. It is who you are and who you surround yourself with that does that. Don't be afraid to smile Heather. U have accomplished something that so many people have tried and failed at and you are paying it forward. That is who you are.
ReplyDeleteThank you Corrie! I agree with u I am still the same person but I have become so insecure and jealous of others its affecting my everyday life! That is not who I am...I was that way when I was like 17 lol and now I'm 27 and its just not right I just don't want to feel that way anymore. I want to accept the change and see that I am skinny, pretty, and whatever but sometimes I just don't feel it or see it. I'm trying though! Thank you for ur kind words!
ReplyDeleteYou made a huge change in such a short time frame. It's normal to still feel Luke the overweight person you see in the mirror. A friend of mine told me it's easier to believe the bad stuff than the good. This is a realization you have to come to on your own. You have done an amazing job. I know a lot of people like that saying nothing tastes as good as skinny feels but I prefer to say nothing feels as good as healthy feels! The hard part is over the weight is gone. Give yourself time to adjust to the new you!
ReplyDeleteHeather WOW I do feel for you and I understand. You have been a great support to so many. You are allowed to feel down at times I would just like to remind you that most just see the outside and have really never gotten to know the real you but the real inside person is a very loving and caring person and you will not let anyone down if you are being real and honest with us all. Your being honest with us is not letting us down and everyone has down days. This journey for me has been so up and down it is funny at times. I get down then I have to go look at the over all totals and am back up again. I have so far to go and have come so far but nothing compared to what you have done. I also have daughters doing it and we support each other that helps so much too. Just don't worry about letting people down worry about keeping you up and everyone else will be fine. Your beauty from within shines even on your down days you are such a lovely girl. God Bless have a great day in the LORD Bev
ReplyDeleteIn high school during pep rallies we had a coach who would have the students chant "I AM SOME BODY" over and over and over. That was almost 20 years ago and to this day I wake up and still say it to myself in the mirror DAILY. You are somebody, your beautiful inside and out. Put your self a dry erase board on that mirror and every week put a new affirmation http://www.mjbovo.com/Affirmations.htm#health
ReplyDeleteIt really does take training the brain to see you as others see you. I think we've all had the same thoughts, I know I could have written this same blog for myself and I've had several conversations with my sister regarding the same issue.
Be blessed Heather and know that we are all here for you if needed.
I can understand that the big changes in a short period of time can be overwhelming. Take it all one day at a time. You were beautiful before and still beautiful now. But the most important person that needs to see this is YOU!
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you what I do to keep going...now I still have alot left to go but have started doing this already. Get stickies or tape paper up on your mirror...I do mine in the bathroom so when I am brushing my teeth I see them. They say "I AM BEAUTIFUL...I AM STRONG AND CAN DO ANYTHING..TODAY I AM GOING TO (say whatever your goal is for the day)"
Say it out loud to yourself while looking in the mirror...sounds crazy but it really does seem to help me. OXOX